Monday, June 15, 2009

Two Weeks Home

I have been home from Micronesia now for two weeks exactly. I have been an FJV now for two weeks. It is not an easy life. It is so easy to fall back into the life that we lead before, a life unaware, a life where I take advantage of the fact that I have done all of these things, with out the recognition of how it has changed me or transformed me. Some things have not changed, and I am still undone. It has been so easy for me to fall back into the complacency of life here in LA. And I wonder if it is more the city than anything or would it be the same way anywhere else. There is still so much to reflect upon what going back to Micronesia has meant, but if there is one thing that was the biggest grace of going back to Chuuk, it was gratitude. I have been living in so much gratitude, and filled with so much joy it has been a wonderful feeling of cloud 9. But very little self-awareness and critical reflection. I need to find the balance between both. To live both in gratitude and critical self-reflection, of the choices that I am making, and how I am choosing to live my life. I am no longer living in a community that will hold me accountable to whether or not I choose to live simply, or witness my faith, or promote social justice. Can I do it myself? My hope in doing JVI was that I would be able to. I am realized as I have realized since I have returned home, that it is a lot more difficult that I thought it would be. I have chosen to do a program that is in small ways aligned with the four values of JVC, but is that only running away from the problem. I feel like this being at home is the true test. It is so difficult to truly live out these four values when you are on your own. When you feel that there is no one else who understands you. As isolated as I have felt being in the San Fernando Valley these past two weeks, will living my life as an FJV also be isolating? Is that the choice that we make, when we ask to be ruined for life?

I don’t have any answers, but I have hope and prayers. Hope for a community that understands and shares in these same values. Prayers for all of those who have no choice of whether or not they have to live simply, because they have no other options. For those people who have no choice but to fight for justice, because the injustice they face, threatens their lives, and the lives of their loved ones. Prayers for those who share and live their faith because it is the only thing that gives them hope. Prayers for those who understand that we belong to each other and that kinship will be the way to eradicate the poverty that plagues us all.

 

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